Passing Gas

I often tell people that I have three children because on most days I include my husband in the count.

I read somewhere that a man in London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of two minutes forty-two seconds.  I guess I should’ve called Guiness years ago.

My husband, like my children, think it is the funniest thing in the world to pass gas quietly and wait for anyone’s reaction.  I have tried on many occasions to pretend that I didn’t notice, but my gag reflex kicks in and he bursts into laughter.  He even likes to talk and sing about it like it’s a national past time.  One of his favorites, “Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot”.  Beans, burritos and chili are pretty much banned from my cupboards.

Why  is it as I get older I now need glasses to read, I can’t remember what happened last week,  yet my sense of smell is as sharp as a knife?

The kids of course burst into song right along with him, yet even they are on to the ‘pull my finger’ trick. 

My children, for some reason or another, feel they need to announce it every time they pass gas.  No matter where we may be “I tooted” !  “That’s nice dear, great, not so loud please”.  “But mommy,  I tooted” ! 

Well what would they like me to do?  Is a standing ovation appropriate?  Should I just say “What the heck” and join right in?  I’m not sure what my reaction is supposed to be, ignoring it hasn’t worked.  Laughing along with them just eggs them on. 

I always think of what their reaction would be if I did join in.  Just walk around the house all day lifting my leg, clear the room when we’re all watching TV and giggle every time I opened a can of beans.  I’m sure they would all pass out from disbelief.

Tempting…but I don’t think so.